Is that all it takes to make you people happy?

ladadadada!
i am officially BORED!
i wonder how much damage i might cause saying hello to you?
how much damage will i cause to myself, allowing myself into your bed again!
i don't want you, but i want someone to hold me!
i want to cuddle up to someone and know i don't have to be alone with my thoughts.
but i shouldn't.. if this was a perfect world, i wouldn't be alone
i would of found the right person for me long ago and i would not be hopelessly searching for someone who can withstand me.
i know i have some problems, i know i need help to get better..
and I'm trying alright!
I'm fucking trying, so don't look at me and say I'm not putting my all into this!
You think i want to be like this? that i want to see faces while i lie in bed at night, claws coming towards me..
i don't want to see these things, i don't want to have to close my eyes tightly and tell myself they aren't real!
i just don't want them to be there!
i can tell you about all the things i don't want!
but its harder when it comes to what i do want..
because right now.. i don't know!
i have lots of choices and none of them seem to fit right!
one thinks I'm a immature cow
another thinks I'm crazy
he thinks I'm gorgeous
they think they can handle me..
and the last, thinks i was made for him!
your all wrong
none of you know a thing about me, those who have known me the longest
would be surprised by what i could tell them!
because i put on a very good act
and they don't see through to the pain and suffering i am hiding!
one of them never would of thought to look harder!
he just accepted the lies i told him..
happy that i let him between my legs. is that all you people want?
is that what it takes to make you people happy?
ha!
I'm over all of this! i don't want any of you! i am sure of this!
but then, what do i want
and who do i want?... I'm not sure