A letter to the man i lost

Nightmares more often now, Crying in my sleep, nothing happy anymore
*screams* what the fuck is wrong with me!
I DON'T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN! i don't want to lose you,
please don't go.. please
please want me, please have feelings for me, please don't forget me!
i cant figure this out anymore
you flirt non stop with other girls
and i pass that off as you just having a flirty nature
but then you look at me and your eyes tell me something different
you eyes look at me with such a depth of sadness that i do not understand
i flirted in front of you, and you pretended that i didn't exist, but i didn't miss that you looked over more than you looked at me that whole night.
stop sending me mixed messages! because baby i cant handle it!
i want to know what your thinking, how you feel and why you did this!
the true reason!
because you cant sell me any of that crap you told me!
it cant be true!
i want to talk to you,
i want to touch your face, and kiss your lips like i used to!
i want you to hold me, and softly stroke me like you used to!
but i cant have any of it!
why?
I'm losing my mind here, iv lost any reasons now
I'm sick of hurting over people
I'm sick of being this way
but how can i change?
without you, i have no reason to change and to be better.
someone tried to kiss me yesterday, and all i could think of was you, i froze and unfroze in a second nearly jumped half a foot in another.
i know I'm sending him mixed messages, but he should understand my position here!
i don't know!
letter to the man i lost, letter that will never get read
and a letter that shouldn't of been written