You Violated The Innocence In Me

In a bloggy mood today...
i think i should explain something..
because me in myself doesn't really understand it. so maybe if its on the page i will understand.. probably not!
anyway, i gave up a little bit of me, to someone a very long time ago..
and i haven't stopped tearing bits and pieces off from myself every time i become involved with someone new.
as if, once started you cant stop
i let someone use me while under the belief he had feelings for me.
i let them touch me, and sleep next to me and lie to me..
and i feel insulted, used, violated and pathetic..
but its not like i haven't done that before,
2 one night stands..
once after two weeks and another 6 months before even dating them.
a week after knowing them.
i understand why people think I'm a slut
i do understand but it irritates me because they think i just open my legs for anyone? 4? is that such a big number?
everyone assumes that i am such a bad person, maybe its because i just don't care anymore..
after this? should i still care what people do?
who sees me like that?
because i can definitely get worse!
i could have anyone i tried to get.. and i don't! because i try to respect myself and give myself a little credit!
but when you all sit there and tell me that i am nothing, that i will never get anywhere?!
Get off your pedestal, which you have not rightfully earned!
you don't get to look down your nose at me, while I'm just trying to fill a void in myself!
but this isn't right!
I'm over everything right now
boys will always be boys,
sex is now just sex to me
no one can show me that sex is special!
because its not... its violating! you have to give up every single flaw in your body to that person!
and they can use that against you however they like!
they can ruin your reputations, ruin your self esteem
you are play dough in their hands!
and i know iv put myself in such situations enough already!
but that was my choice..
and like i said, once you start its hard to stop.
because for that period of time where your are together... you don't feel so alone
and its addictive
to feel like someone cares..
but we all know what they really care about, because once they get it they are quick to put their jeans back on and leave!


You violated the innocence in me!