Can you imagine me yelling for just a sec.
*SCREAMS* I CANT HANDLE THIS!
i do what i thought i wanted! what i thought i needed!
and it turned out to be completely wrong. because when i look at him i feel nothing but self pity! self disgust..
i don't want this! but how can i hurt him again!
id rather die than say what needs to be said.
And when i see you, my stomach jumps and ties itself in knots.
we had a connection and you threw it back in my face
you flaunt her in front of me and i try to close my eyes and pretend it isn't real!
but it is, and i don't want to see it!
i want you! in any form
but i didn't realise you'd have someone new so soon...
i feel like nothing!
i feel empty
and this has nothing to do with anything else.. because most of those problems are gone
this is just me longing for something that is so far out of my reach it pains me to think about it.
you thought me flirting was me moving on..
and i did tell you when i try to move on, its usually by climbing into someones bed.
unfortunately the bed i climbed into was all too familiar and even i know it was a bad idea. yet i cannot stop myself because when i get the tiniest inkling of loneliness i will run to him cuddle and kiss him and tell him lies...
then regret it the moment i go home. i look back on the nights events and a sick feeling engulfs me and i cannot break free until the next time of weakness.
I'm pathetic and stupid and selfish!
i don't want to be this way,
I'm trying very hard but when i think about how much pain i have to cause him to put it right again.. it makes me feel even more selfish
i should put up with this.. because being unhappy is what i deserve,
but while he touches me i think of you!
i have to think about every thing i am about to say just so i don't say your name by accident!
why must you poison my thoughts..
you don't want me.. that's perfectly fine.. but why cant you take my feelings along with you.
i wouldn't care if you wanted to just fuck and then leave but then again i probably would regret that in the end anyway
I'm done with every boy. i will do what has to be done, and i will suffer in my own personal hell! doesn't matter you'd never notice anyway
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