Love is a game. And it's one I constantly lose at!

This is the end huh?
I thought I would be balling my eyes out or something..
but I guess all the tears I had for you were cried out over the whole 9 Month period.
I feel empty. void of all emotion I thought I should feel

I can imagine every touch we shared, every time I've stared into your eyes and felt on fire!
I don't know how I got this so wrong?
how did I mess this up so badly...
I would have sworn I could read people so well but you've stumped me.
everything you've done is screaming out to me that you like me
but everything you say is the opposite.
I've learned never to trust a person's words but their actions
which would mean I was right all along and your just playing me
but it doesn't matter anymore.

The game is over! you win, whatever you were trying to do.. you win
I am walking away, does this make me weak or smart?
I feel like giving up on this is the easy way out but I tried! I fucking tried my hardest
and I still came out second best!
what else is there I can do?

admitting my feelings to someone is what did it to me, telling my best friend that I really did love you
telling her for the first time that I loved someone and they didn't want me
that is what made it feel like a blow to the head
I don't admit things like that to people, it's just not what I do.
I can tell everyone about anything in my life except how I feel, and my past with my family.
2 biggest things for me to share, and only a handful of people know about this

so you would have to understand how big of a thing it is for you to know.
I trusted you with something that still haunts my dreams.
And I feel like you don't fully understand why I can't be just friends.
You are the most amazing, frustrating, idiotic, incredible person I have met.
and i have fallen for you, knowing that you prefer others over me.. just that knowledge makes me feel insignificant
but to witness it, to watch you throw yourself at drunken sluts. churns my stomach and makes my skin crawl!
I don't think something has ever hurt as much as watching you kiss them.
watching you do that constantly would not only push me further into the dark hole of my mind
but also prevent me from moving on.

if I must endure torture I prefer it to be one of solitude.
I can't get over how perfect we were together but then I guess any relationship with no restraints or commitment would seem perfect to anyone.
someday I look back and think "Melissa how stupid could you have been? you let this man walk all over you and fuck you around for 9 months what the hell were you thinking?"
what was I thinking?
oh well it's done, game over or whatever!
love is just a game and the winner never seems to be me.
I always play for keeps. but who plays to keep me?