Because I'm a idiot that's why!

Another year has passed...
17, when did i get so old?
this year was something else! i would never say i regretted anything i did this year
but i definitely have grown since my last birthday
and in some ways.. i have shrunk!
i have shrunk because i no longer have confidence in myself around people
i think i have become a tad withdrawn
and I'm no longer as easy going around the opposite sex.
those on the outside may not see these differences! but i can see them,
and i have grown!
i am more confident about my own looks
I'm comfortable with my own body
i have gotten rid of my depression! which i shall talk about later.
i have learned so much about myself in these past months that i couldn't have done without some one's help although they did not intentionally help.
i have a bigger ego, which doesn't help with boy's trying to hit on me
I'm just not swept off my feet by a couple of compliments about my looks. give up!
anyway i definitely want to talk about my depression!
i believe i have gotten rid of it,
and funnily enough i did so by removing someone from my life
i still care for them, but i realise its not the way they want!
we have been broken up for 3months now and i decided that it couldn't hurt to go back just to make sure
well i think i needed to go back for those two weeks. because the way things ended for me and him, was a mess to put it simply!
i felt guilty because while he couldn't get over me i was already in another man's bed!
if one could call him a man, ha!
so i went back and ended it properly face to face! there were no tears well none that he could see
there were no sorry's it was just simple knowledge that it needed to come to a close
and we said our final goodbyes while laying there naked together.
i am immensely sorry to him for how things happened! but two cannot go on while one dreams and longs for another.
to try and force them to be there with you is cruel
the person who gave me my depression was the solution to taking it away!
it only took a year and a half to do this. but it was done eventually.
i got kicked out, my father practically picked me up and threw me out the door.
but that again was a blessing in disguise!
i learned many things about myself in those two weeks away.
and i will never forget my time with the lovely Katie!
she was my saviour when others turned their back on me
and i will owe her forever
now.. down to my birthday!
was a nice evening until, that woman popped up!
i could of exploded when i saw her!
you brought the woman your fucking to your ex girlfriends birthday. without asking
now that hurt
up until then i was fairly okay with you and her
you pushed me too far.
you knew she wasn't invited, you must have known how her presence would of affected me
if you really couldn't have been without her for one evening, then you shouldn't of come!
simple as that!
you name still rings through my dreams and haunts me through the days!
i just want to get you out of my mind
you disappointed me, your a complete dick! yet for some fucking reason i cant get over you!
why cant i fall for someone who is kind!
because I'm a idiot that's why!