Self harm? no.. just some kinky fucking shit.

I do oh so love the feeling,
When those needles penetrate my skin...
It sends shivers up my spine, my scalp prickles and I relax
Everything is at peace and in perspective while I’m there under that needle.
My mother says negative tattoos will bring negative light to your life.
But what about tattoos which were born out of negative thoughts but is primary a positive thing.

My feather - Il mio dolore, Il mio amore e me stessa.
My pain, my love and Myself...
The feather essentially is me
And the things that affect me most and what others effect most
My pain, my love and myself... people thought because it was about me, that it was selfish or up myself.
Which I don’t entirely get... if it’s on my body, if it’s of my being... it should represent me...


My Mother Time - Essentially it is me, moving forward the rose my heart
The pocket watch is Time heals ALL wounds and the broken hourglass
It’s me trying to manipulate time. Forgetting the past, turning back time
But effectively breaking the whole structure.
FROZEN IN TIME.

Everything means something to me
But not as much as the delicious healing feeling of having someone else make me bleed
Is that a suicidal thought?
Self harm?
No... I think it would lead more towards sadistic behaviour towards oneself.
Enjoying my own pain...
But not being able to give it,

There’s nothing I love more than having my hair pulled sharply back while being fucked...
Why? Its raw passion, Raw feeling. Raw pain...
That’s what really gets me off, feeling someone’s passion their needs.
And being able to fulfil those needs
Am I sick?
For wanting to please the men I sleep with?
Wanting to feel them writhe and shiver in pleasure because of me..?
Maybe...
Or maybe i am just the most fucking fantastic partner they've ever known.
I’d do anything to see their pleasure to watch them grow and twitch at the sight of me. To watch their eyes grow wide and pupils dilate as their hands make their slow delicious journey downwards across my milky soft skin
I'd do anything to be the last memory they ever hold...
To poison their minds with my image

.... Why?
Am I acting under the desire to gain approval from men because I don’t have that in my own home?
Because nothing is ever good enough for them?
I sleep with men because I want someone to be happy with me?
I want love?
And I want it my way.