Little snudge

Its amazing what you didn't know you wanted was the one thing that when presented to you. It must be rejected. Your not even sure you have it in your grasp and the idea of not having it or pushing it away torments you. I have been given such a gift, cradling my belly wondering what would happen if I could.. if we could.
Wondering if I could do it. If I'd be any good! Crying and curling up in a ball cause I won't get to find out. Cause little smudge.. if you are there, we can't keep you. And I'm sorry for that.. sorry that I'm not good enough to keep you.
If you aren't there smudge. I'm glad I won't have to say goodbye to you. Glad that I won't have to be that person. But I just have this feeling deep within my soul that you are there. And now that I've found this amazing man I desperately want you. I want to meet you and know you.
Sadly its not possible.
Little smudge. My dear smudge.
I don't even know if your there.. and I'm already sad that we must say goodbye.
Knock if your there...
Tell me that your alive!