I don't really know what I'm doing anymore..
well I'm not sure I really ever knew.
I'm making up this story line as I go, flying by the seat of my pants.
This year is almost over and I've had a tragic year to say the least.
I've veered a little of course from what i hoped to achieve
and I've also come to some interesting things. I've made some great friends,
lost some shit ones.
I've been thrown out of my comfort zone, and became stronger
I've allowed myself to be used and thrown down as well.
I have no idea where I stand in some relationships and not sure I really want to,
I've been fucked, washed up and sent on my way.
been fooled by so many people and in some cases just didn't care enough to stop.
Next year is a new beginning.
I'll be moving and I'll be saying goodbye to one of the most important people I've ever known.
He's always been there, it's funny that he doesn't see it..
but he's been my rock for the last 2 years.
I have given my heart to him, taken it back and surrender it again.
for some reason my life line is intertwined with his.
and I feel I have cheated him, that I've done wrong by him.
I've given up what he thought was his to others.
even though he never claimed me..
Some days I lie in bed and just cry at how my life has unfolded.
I know people think I'm beautiful but I just don't see it,
how can I be this person and still be beautiful?
how can anyone actually appreciate me as a person when all they see me as is a body.
How can i hurt my soul so much, be so damaged and still think I'm capable of capturing your heart.
I've proven I just can't do it anymore.
Proven I'm worthless to everyone.
I just chase and fight and come up second best,
I hurt, I bleed and I don't learn..
I've been here before, many times in fact,
I'm being bled dry and I'm about to go under.
save me... someone just save me.
