He'll Come Back, They Always Come Back!

I can prattle on about how things are gonna be different this year,
about how I'm going to get over you
and how I'm going to grow!
but i still wake most mornings with your name on my lips
and your still in my thoughts while another person touches me
your so much apart of me
and it seems like I'm nothing to you
iv given up expecting a reply from you
and instead i look forward to those days where i will see you
but you wont even glance my way
i know this will never change.
no matter how many times i can say "I'm great, I'm hot and he'll come back they always come back"
i just cant make myself believe it! because you are happy with her, and i cant seem to make you notice me
I've let a lot of people turn their backs on me in the past
I've let a lot of good friendships turn sour.
but I'm determined not to let this happen here!
i just cant! because even if you refuse to acknowledge this!
i feel a connection between us! there is something left unexplored between us!
and you turn your back on it!
but i wont let you turn your back on me!
please!
i cant let any more people go
when I'm already forcing myself to cut so many off
i need all the real friends i can get, and you might be one of them
but you'd need to give me some glimmer of hope that you recognize my existence.
because right now, it doesn't seem like it!
i feel nothing from you,
of coarse ill see you looking at me every now and again but i am not certain what those looks hold.
whether you are regretting your decision to let me go
or i was just simply standing there when you looked around
i don't know what your thoughts are. but i would give anything just to understand your mind! to know what your thoughts were of me.. of her
but of coarse i cant.
Sigh, you have been the topic of my posts for far too long!
and i feel like a little girl in a dark room
screaming out and hearing nothing but my own echo!
i cannot see a door or any windows I'm just stuck here in the nothingness!
who will be my saviour in the end?
I'm not sure. but i hope he hurries up!

New years! Im done

new year.
you have arrived and so far, my year is exactly the same as last year
fuck my life!
when will i get out from under his claws! when will i be able to start again!
when will I start a new year?
Im thinking Right fucking now!
i end all ties with you, i cant afford to be nice about this anymore, every day
your digging your claws deeper in me!
and i cant let go of my freedom!
NOT HAPPENING
but of corse,
i still cant get him out of my head!
still cant seem to forget him! but maybe that shall be my new years resolution
To get over him
would it work?
i dont know! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i want my freedom,
i want my independence i dont want to be held down by anyone!
i need my own space and my own time to grow
*explodes*
im done.
good bye